Last First Day

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The night before your  senior year begins, the words of 1 Peter 2:12 are my prayer for you…”Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

As the close of a chapter in your life approaches, know this. As there will always be people who love you, there will also be people who don’t. There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with your actions no matter how good your intentions. Some will even make things up about you in an effort to bring you down. But my prayer despite all of that negativity and slander? May they know that despite their greatest efforts you are a young man after God’s heart because your actions contradict their words.

So, it comes back to you…

  1. Seek God FIRST! If you seek Him first, you will never lose your direction.
  2. Follow His prompting. By doing what He calls you to do, it won’t matter what anyone says.
  3. Seek to ONLY please God! Human approval is based on results; God sees your heart and loves you beyond your wins or losses.
  4. See what He sees. Many have told you or made you felt like you were less than, but know that when God sees you, He sees a bold, strong, courageous man who will bring many to His Kingdom.

As a result, you will not be dependent on the opinions of others and it will help you see the good in everyone. Then those very people who accuse you, will be the ones who glorify God because of your unwavering character and faith.

God has HUGE, GREAT things for you and they are not in the future. THEY ARE NOW! Don’t miss the opportunities He gives you. I am PROUD to be your mother! I love you! I bless you in the name of our Lord  and Savior, Jesus Christ!

May your last first day be the first day of a new and amazing journey. A journey that your Heavenly Father has specifically chosen for you!

Words

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“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.”

When I was in 8th grade, a guy told me I couldn’t be his Valentine because his friends thought I was ugly. Those words have stayed with me since they were spoken. I may not identify with them as much as I once did, but for a very long time, I did some stupid things to validate my worth and receive the approval of others.

“She used to be ashamed of her story, now she’s excited to tell them about God’s mercy, favor, and glory.”

I have made some awful mistakes in my life, many I have confessed to and many I have not. I guess this could be said for any of us. We confess just enough for people to believe we are transparent, but keep plenty close to the vest.

“A…heart like his mama’s”

One of my biggest complaints of Jake is how differently he treats me versus how he treats others. I complain that he is so polite to others whilst treating me not so nice.

His heart is definitely like mine. Last night, Jake reminded how mean I am to him. I have said some cruel and heartbreaking things to him throughout the years, which have obviously stayed with him. I have crushed his spirits, devalued him as a person and a young man. All the while sharing with others how “far” Christ has brought me.

Am I negating the distance I have travelled? Absolutely not, but how can one proclaim being a lover of Christ when she is not loving the most special gift He has blessed her with? Have my words hurt my son as deeply as the words spoken to me by an 8th grade boy?

“You are being too hard on yourself”

Am I? Or am I taking advantage of all the mercy, favor, and glory God has showered on me? Am I no different than the person that hurt me with his words all those years ago? Am I still the self-absorbed child that sought validation by putting others down because I was once hurt?

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” – Ephesians 5:8-13

May Your conviction produce a change and not be easily forgotten.

Know It All

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Several years ago, someone questioned my beliefs of speaking in tongues. He didn’t argue with me, he just wanted to know why I believed what I believed. I wasn’t sure how to answer him. A trustworthy person, earlier in life, had taught me something, and I adopted it as my own belief, no questions asked. Now the question was being asked. And I had no response.

Because of that experience, I have really become a student of the Word. I don’t want to just take on something because it sounds true. I want to be able to back up what I believe if ever questioned. In addition, I also like to ask the question that was asked of me “why do you believe that?” That question, as it did for me several years ago, has sparked many a conversations. Unfortunately, it has also sparked many arguments.

When did it become wrong to question someone? Is it that offensive to know someone’s thought process on his or her beliefs? Have we become so defensive that everything is interpreted as attack? Are our beliefs so absurd we would never want to share our reasoning with a person who genuinely wants to know our thoughts on the matter? Could we not learn from one another by questioning others? Is this not what Proverbs 27:17 mean when it says: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”?

Could it be that when we question someone’s beliefs, we get to know him or her a little better? Or if we are the ones being questioned, could it be an opportunity to share our beliefs with someone who may believe as we do? We are so quick to tell people when we are right and they are not, that we often forget that there is only One that knows it all and we are never too wise to learn something new!

But God…

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I was recently reminded that often when we are tested and tempted, it could be a sign that a reward for our faithfulness could be right around the corner. That with God and the Holy Spirit within us, there is always victory no matter how often we doubt and stumble.

She awaited the revelation, the appointed time, which spoke of the end and would not be proven false. Though it lingered, she waited for it because she knew it would certainly come and would not delay[1]. She had always prayed for falsehood and lies to be kept from her; she wanted neither poverty nor riches, but only her daily bread. Because she knew if she had too much she would disown her God. Or too little, she would steal and dishonor His name [2]. Yet she sat alone looking out the window, thinking, longing, “Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish? In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction; You have put all my sins behind Your back”[3].

He reminded her that He knew her deeds, her love and faith, her service and perseverance, and that she was now doing more than she did at first[4]. “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach; for I am your Maker, your Husband”[5]. Though once comforting, His words now seemed distant, unattainable. Knowing her heart so well, He continued, “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you now perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”[6].

His words reminded her that He was faithful to all of His promises and loving toward all He has made. He was near to all who called on Him[7]. That if she delighted herself in Him, He would delight in her ways and make her steps firm. Though she stumbled, He would not fail her and give her the desires of her heart[8].

In her anguish, she cried out to the Lord and He answered by setting her free[9]. She then knew that if she only put her hope in Him, her strength and her spirit would always be renewed[10]. For perhaps the reason they were separated for this short while, was that they may be together forever[11].

[1] Habakkuk 2:3
[2] Proverbs 30:8-9
[3] Isaiah 38:17
[4] Revelation 2:19
[5] Isaiah 54:4-5
[6] Isaiah 43:18-19
[7] Psalms 145:13, 18
[8] Psalms 37:4, 23-24
[9] Psalms 118:5
[10] Isaiah 40:31
[11] Philemon 15

His Image

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So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27

So many of us have read this verse and have skipped over the meaning of being created in “his own image”. In the image of God. We. Were. Created. I don’t know if I have ever thought of this before. Or if I have, why haven’t I lived it out?

The world has an image of what we all should look like. For females, we should be voluptuous with sexy everything (body, hair, face, clothes, shoes). Men should be tall, chiseled. There is this standard that we (I) all strive for. We seek to look like the image the world desires when we are already made in the Perfect image of God.

Of course, maintaining the image of God requires work and sacrifice. We must maintain the standard of His image. But what does created in His image mean? Let’s take a look at a couple of characteristics of His image: health and strength.

Health. Does this mean thin? I don’t think so. I am thin, but I am far from healthy. I don’t eat or exercise as I should. I know people, both lighter and heavier, that are much more healthy than I am. But being healthy isn’t only about our physical bodies. Healthy can also refer to our emotional and spiritual self. If we are exercising and maintaining a healthy weight, but are continuously filling our hearts and minds with junk, there is no value in our working out our physical bodies. Jesus kept up His physical body (He walked everywhere. I am quite certain He was physically healthy.). He also kept up with His emotional and spiritual self (Scripture after Scripture refers to Him praying and seeking God.).

Strength. With health comes strength. We are in a battle. Whether a believer or not. Everyday is a battle. We fight for our happiness, our families, and, too often, our sanity. Everyday we make life altering choices which determine who and what we are fighting for. Some of these battles require physical strength, but more so, our hearts and minds need to be strong. Jesus was a perfect example of this multi-level strength. His physical strength allowed Him to walk all over the region. His physical strength also helped Him carry the cross to Calvary. However, if His heart and mind were not as strong, His body could not have made it through such torture.

We were created in His image. In the image of a Healthy and Strong God.

Created in the image of God means we were given bodies and minds that are in His likeness. When He sees us, He sees Himself; He sees Perfection. However, this Perfection isn’t self-maintaining. As Jesus taught us, we must choose everyday to maintain such health and strength. Unlike Jesus who knew what was ahead for Him and why He needed to maintain, we have no idea what today or tomorrow will bring. We, therefore as Jesus did, need to be prepared to reveal His image when we win and when we are bloodied and bruised.

Could he free me?

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One of my first assignments for Moody Bible was to compose a letter of someone who had heard or come in contact with Jesus and what their reaction would be taking in consideration the first century world.

Dearest cousin,

I must share with you the happenings of these days. Papa, mama and brother attended a wedding in Cana. I remained at home as I often do. Brother told me during the feast, the wine ran out, but within the hour there was more, much more. Papa told brother the new wine was much better than the first and wondered why the bridegroom had held the better wine until then. Brother did not believe the bridegroom knew from where this new wine had arrived.

Uncle Nicodemus came to the house to speak with Papa several days later. They spoke in privacy as to keep the rest of us from hearing, but mama, brother, and I could not keep too far away. We tried not to listen, but did not want to make too much noise that would disturb them either. As the conversation went on, we could hear Uncle Nicodemus sharing of the signs he himself had witnessed and those, which the other Pharisees had witnessed or had been told of.

He spoke of the temple being turned about and all of the traders being told to leave. He mentioned of the Capernaum official’s son that had been mysteriously healed. He spoke of the man in Jerusalem who had been an invalid all of his life – thirty-eight years, I believe it was – and was miraculously healed as well. In Samaria, of all places, this man spoke to a woman at Jacob’s well who had several husbands and the one she was currently living with was not her husband. Uncle Nicodemus was told that this man, which I believe he called Jesus, told the women of all her doings and she was amazed and shared what he has told her with all who would hear.

Uncle Nicodemus finally told Papa of how he had went to see this man, Jesus, during the night and had spoken to him of all the things that happened. Unfortunately, during this time, Uncle Nicodemus was whispering, so we were not able to hear all of the details, but we did hear the need to be “born again” meaning not of flesh, but of spirit. At one point, Uncle Nicodemus seemed to be angered because Jesus had questioned him as teacher of Israel.

Oh, cousin! I do not understand what this all means. Papa spoke with mama after Uncle Nicodemus had left and I later heard her speak with the ladies while they fetched water at the well. It seems some have been angered by the actions of this Jesus and others seem to have chosen to follow his teachings. Philip and Nathaniel chose to follow this man’s teachings and they have not only shamed themselves, but their entire families. It seems as if the life provided to them was not good enough. Their responsibility was to guard the traditions, the status, and honor of their family, but they chose shame in it place of responsibility.

I will do as Papa and Mama instruct, but I often wonder what is truly behind the signs and acts of this teacher, Jesus. Could he possibly be the Son of God? Could he be the promised Messiah that has come to save us? I have heard so many stories of the healing and promise he professes. I have even seen some of those who he has healed and they look so different, so free. I would never do anything to bring shame to our family much more than I already have, but Cousin, what if this man is the one who can free me from this curse? Oh, cousin, it has been a long twelve years and I long to be clean. Maybe if I touched him just once, could he free me?

With a deep longing for your return and companionship, your cousin, Veronica.

Closet Cleaning

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As I looked at the pile of clothes on the chest of drawers and the bag of new clothes I just got for my birthday in my room; neither which could fit into my closet, I realized I needed to clean out my closet. Confession time: I love clothes. I love buying clothes, but hate shopping for clothes, or making room for them in my closet. In our old house, I had my closet and the closet in the spare bedroom (plus 2 chest of drawers) to keep my clothes so downsizing was never really necessary. However, now that we are in a new home, the closet space is limited and unless I wanted to continue looking at the piles of clothes in my room, I needed to do some serious purging.

So, yesterday, I decided to tackle my closet and make room for the new clothes I had purchased and the excess clothes that had been in a pile for weeks. With trepidation, I went through the closet. I found myself making excuses for not getting rid of something. Some no longer fitted, but were too cute to get rid of and others which I hadn’t thought cute enough to wear, but someday might be cute enough. I also remembered the last time I cleaned out my closet. I left a suitcase full of clothes in Guatemala, and later was disappointed when I went looking for something I had given away. The reasons were pretty convincing, but ultimately, I had to do it. I needed to make room for the new items and the clothes that I actually do wear. Another reason for purging was because a lot of the clothes were from when I was younger and now that I am much closer to 40 than I want to admit, I need to dress more appropriate to my age.

This event directly coincided with a new devotion I began yesterday (after the purging); Me, Myself & Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. In the study, Jennifer refers to our “thought closet” and the need to clean it out in order to make room for the things God has for us. Yesterday, the theme was “Who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing.” An amazing eye opening thought in itself, but it continued today by jotting down the thoughts in my own “closet”, the thoughts in the “human closet”, and the thoughts in “God’s closet”.

I was asked to list the main thoughts  use when beating myself up, examine the human thoughts described in Scripture, and finally meditate on God’s thoughts towards me, also mentioned in Scripture (and listed below). I realized that in order for room to be made for God’s thoughts, my thoughts and the thoughts we all normally have as humans needed to come out. Now, not all need to come out, but those which don’t fit me anymore or those that were given to me by other people that just don’t flatter me. As much as I believed those thoughts to still “fit”, in reality, I needed to begin to dress as the woman of God that I am and becoming.

Like I said, I am just on day 2 of this study, so I still have lot more purging to do. I’m pretty sure cleaning out my clothes closet will be much easier than cleaning and maintaining my thought closet. But it is a task I will certainly need to commit and rely on my Savior to guide me through for He promises that if I “commit to Him in whatever I do, my plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3).

Human Thought Closet

Psalm 10:4 – In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
    in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

Psalm 56:5 – All day long they twist my words;
    all their schemes are for my ruin.

Isaiah 59:7 – Their feet rush into sin;
    they are swift to shed innocent blood.
They pursue evil schemes;
    acts of violence mark their ways.

Isaiah 65:2 – All day long I have held out my hands
    to an obstinate people,
who walk in ways not good,
    pursuing their own imaginations—

Romans 1:21 – For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.

God’s Thought Closet

Psalm 40:5 – Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

Psalm 92:5 – O Lord, how great are Your works!
Your thoughts are very deep.

Psalm 139:17 – How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!

Isaiah 55:9 – “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

 

 

Static

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In early June, Jake and I went to Boston to see my family for a much-needed vacation. In later June/early July, I went to Guatemala on a mission trip. In between those two significant events, Jake and I moved from Thomasville, AL to Jackson, AL (depending on where you are, it can be a distance of 30 to 40 miles). I kept my job at Pineview Baptist and Jake will continue going to Thomasville High when school starts up again, so not much has changed besides a longer commute. I used to be able to roll out of bed 20 minutes before I needed to be at work and still make it on time. Now, I drive longer than it takes me to get ready.

The only problem with the commute is the sporadic radio station signal. I listen to K-Love Christian Radio and although there are two dial stations in the area, the signal is pretty bad which often causes more static than music.  Trying to recognize a song in midst of the static can get quite frustrating especially if it is a good song. When I can recognize the song, the static doesn’t bother me as much. However, when I can’t recognize what song is playing that is when the static became more annoying and distracting. At one point the static was so loud, I turned the radio off. That is when I heard Him.

We are in a patch of static, Jen. You haven’t spent nearly as much time with Me as you once did and our relationship is being affected. During our time together, your strength is renewed. Knowing a few, even several Scripture verses, isn’t enough. To minimize the static and ensure a clear connection, you need to be in constant prayer and studying of My Word.

Of course, He was right. My quiet times are the antenna that allow for a clear connection with my Savior, and not having quality quiet times was causing lots of static which translated in physical and emotional exhaustion. Instead of addressing the connection issue, I was trying to listen to His song around the static. Although I heard Him loud and clear, I have yet to get back to where I need to be  in my quiet times. But I praise God that He continues to send me messages through the static.

Changing My Heart

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“Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because He’s trying to change your heart”

Ever hear words that cut so deep into your heart, it takes your breath away? That is how I felt when I read this quote today. I have heard it before, but where I am in my life at this moment, they are the exact words I needed to hear so I could stop playing the victim…

As far back as I could remember, I have never had enough to pay my bills. At times it was because I would manage the money given to me incorrectly and selfishly. When I made an offering to the church, it was not my first fruits and I did not give it with a cheerful heart. It was such a burden for me to give to the church because they had plenty of it and I “needed” it more than they did.

It was not until a few months ago that I confessed to a friend of mine how tired I am of the constant financial struggle I am in. I let her know that I was just tired of being poor. Her question to me was “is it a sin issue?” I immediately responded “of course, it is.”

Money has always been my nemesis. I never have enough of it. I live beyond my means. I struggle with being a good steward with the provision God has given me. The parable of the talents in Matthew 25 teaches how we need to be good steward even with the little we may have. This was (and unfortunately still is) a major sin issue in my life.

Since that conversation just a few months ago, I have been pretty consistent with my tithing. It s the first fruit of my labor and although still difficult to part with that percentage since I could definitely use it, I choose to be obedient and trust God to bless me for it.

As Jake and I prepare to move to another city not to far from here, I am feeling the constrictions of my financial status becoming quite overwhelming. It is like this chapter can’t close soon enough. This week, especially, has been extremely difficult for me to bear. I find myself in a sinking pit of despair and depression; not seeing light through the drowning mud. Prayer, Scripture, worship, nothing seems to help. I know that there is a greater purpose for this, but I do not want any part of it. I know God has provided in the past, but could He just provide just once and for all and let me be? Then through the darkness, through the mud, I see those words: “Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because He’s trying to change your heart.” 

Once again I am reminded that although I have done good for a short while, it doesn’t mean I will always be good. I am reminded that my strength and my faith are not as strong as I believe them to be. I do not trust Him enough to provide when I need it. I do not trust Him to keep me from the darkest pits. I simply do not trust His love for me. And yet His love for me has never changed.

He continues to see the woman He created me to be. He sees the woman I will one day be. He sees the desire of my heart to follow Him wholeheartedly. He sees nothing else. He is not discouraged by the long, hard road because the destination is far too amazing to be overshadowed by the cares of today. He is using this situation, this struggle, this season of my life to change my heart. His love for me is far too grand for Him to allow me to remain as I am.

I am not all better. I am still angry, frustrated and tired of this financial state I am still in, but I am recognizing that I will remain here until my heart has indeed changed. And by my attitude and short temper, I have a long way to go.

Endurance for the Long Journey

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The promises You have laid before me, Father, have required much of me. When I first accepted this journey, I was eager and excited. As of late, the length of the journey has left me exhausted and resistant to continue.  All I see before me is an endless sea with no land in sight. Yet, I look back and You remind me how far we have traveled and it stirs my heart to continue. Your words, your love, give me comfort. I may be exhausted, unmotivated, and often plain lazy, but search my heart and know that my desire is to follow You until the ends of the earth.

In the midst of this journey, I will rest on the promises of Your Words to me:

 When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; 
    he brought me into a spacious place. ~ Psalm 118:5

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
    give me neither poverty nor riches,
    but give me only my daily bread.
 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
    and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God. ~ Proverbs 30:8-9

I know your deeds,
     your love and faith,
     your service and perseverance,
     and that you are now doing more than you did at first. ~ Revelation 2:19

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
    it speaks of the end
    and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
    it will certainly come
    and will not delay. ~ Habakkuk 2:3

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland. ~ Isaiah 43:18-19

Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while
     was that you might have him back forever~ Philemon 1:15