That Friend

February 10, 2022February 10, 20221 Comment

Do you know that friend that always has a major crisis going on in his or her life? Every time you talk, their ongoing struggles consume the conversation? And all you want to say is “Get over yourself. You have made it through worse situations and frankly, there are people with even more difficult struggles”. Well, what happens when “that friend” is you?

What happens when you are the one that feels like you are a burden to the people around you? You feel like a Debbie Downer because every time you talk to them or send them a text, it’s about yet another thing you are going through? Right now, I am “that friend”.

Since last June, I have been working with a Counselor on multiple traumas I have experienced throughout my life and although the work done and the Counselor himself are extraordinary, it is completely overwhelming and exhausting. I get so lost in, not in reliving the trauma, but the years it has stolen from me. Years of anger, depression, oppression, bad decisions that have kept me from the truth and the promises I have been afraid to pursue.

There are mornings that the healing pushes me to pursue God’s truth and His promises for me; and then, there are mornings—like this morning—when it takes everything in me not to call out of work. When I finally willed myself out of bed, instead of putting on my face of fortitude, I didn’t have the energy to put anything on my face at all. I wanted so bad to reach out to my friends to ask them to pray for me because the weight was too much to bear. I started typing the text, but quickly deleted it as I remembered that just a couple of days earlier I had requested prayer for another crisis that was weighing me down.

Instead of reaching out to my friends as I wanted to, I chose to turn on the Christian radio station to tune out the chatter in my head. As soon as I heard the first song come on, I knew the Lord had taken over the song selection and was my very own DJ. Song after song, I felt the burden that was weighing me down lift right off of me. Song after song, I was reminded that I was not alone.

I was reminded that instead of keeping me from God’s truth and His promises for me, anger and all of the emotions I have felt for 30 years were protecting me from even darker roads than the ones I had travelled. That when I fixed my eyes on Him, I had finally found everything I needed. He lifted my soul and opened up my eyes. He is rewriting my story and nothing could be better.

This healing journey I am on is a difficult one and I know there will be tons more of good and not so good days ahead. But as I listened to the playlist on the radio, I realized that my angst not to text my friends was not because they wouldn’t be encouraging; the angst was the Lord prompting me to reach out to Him. In my fear of being “that friend”, I was reminded that Jesus was the only friend I needed.

Oppressive

January 25, 2022January 30, 2022Leave a comment

This week I am reading Psalm 73. Every morning this week, I intend to read the entire chapter and study one verse in the context of the entire chapter. Today it was 2 verses; 16 and 17.

“When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God…”

From this verse, I chose to study the one word that stood out to me; oppressive. As a person of color, one definition of oppressive resonates with me; unjustly inflicting hardship and constraint, especially on a minority or other subordinate group. Still, as I read the subsequent meanings, another meaning stood out and I believe it is the one most pertinent to today’s passage—weighing heavily on the mind or spirits; causing depression or discomfort.

Psalm 73 talks towards the unfairness of the world. How the wicked prosper and never seem to face any difficulties; and, those “who are pure in heart” tend to get the raw end of the deal everytime. Just the thought of this, causes the psalmist to feel discomfort and heavy weight on his mind and spirit, to feel oppressed.

Can you relate? Is there something in your life that is weighing heavy on your mind or spirit, so much so that it causes you to be depressed? If nothing else, I believe at one time or another we are able to relate with the psalmist. We work hard and try to do everything by the book and someone who tends to skate by, gets all the glory, while we just get to keep working hard. It’s simply unfair. Yet, there is hope!

In our darkest times, if we chose to enter in the presence of God, hope is restored. We are reminded of the fate that awaits those who do not follow Jesus and chose evil. We are reminded of the beauty and wonder of a Sovereign God who is always with us, how He “leads us by the right hand” (v. 23), and how He is always ready to take away that which weighs us down. When we enter His presence, our oppression turns into freedom and like anything good that happens, we cannot help but share of His goodness towards us (v. 28).

Abundance

January 17, 2022January 30, 2022Leave a comment

Sometime late last year, Jenny, a dear friend of mine prayed abundance over my life. The word stirred something in me. I felt honored, but also undeserving. As a someone who has suffered from complex trauma, I have a hard time receiving compliments or any accolades for that matter. But for some reason, this word has stayed with me.

Towards the end of the year, I was introduced to a special way of praying for my friends. I would ask 52 friends to provide with a verse. I would then randomly assign each friend one week of the year to pray over them. Only a few weeks into the year and I have my prayer calendar filled through May. It’s a pretty ingenious idea.

Because I love definitions, every day of the week, I read the particular verse and study the particular word that pops out to me. This week, the verse is John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”.

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the word “thief” and how, depending on the reader, the word can take on different meanings. The same can be said for “abundantly”.

By definition, abundantly means “in large quantities; plentifully”. Not satisfied with that definition, I turned to my Tony Evans Bible Commentary and gleaned the wonderful definition: to be fulfilled in His spirit, His blessings, and His purpose in my earthly life.

When Jenny prayed the word abundance over my life, she was not praying for extravagance (in case you are curious of its meaning; lack of restraint in spending money or use of resources) as some could interpret the word abundance to mean. Specifically she was praying for the day when the cost of living wouldn’t be a burden.

God desires the same for us! Tony Evans says it best. “Jesus doesn’t want you merely to possess eternal life but also to possess the full experience of life. Following the Shepherd leads to blessing and joy and a growing experience of eternal life. It allows Him to rebuke and reverse the enemy’s attempts at blocking the blessings, purpose, and spiritual fulfillment God has for your life.”

So, yes, I/you don’t deserve to live extravagantly, but because of Jesus, we are called to live abundantly!

Pesky Gnats

June 24, 2020January 30, 2022Leave a comment

Among the several things and people I pray for, my daily prayer for years has been (in no particular order) for finances, Jake, general anxieties, and ETA of my husband. As I journaled this morning, the Lord took over my pen and wrote these words to me. My prayer is they are an encouragement to you as well:

“You don’t trust Me enough to guide your heart. Trust Me in all things. Trust Me to take care of Jake. Trust Me to protect you in the car. Trust Me to provide for you in so many more ways than food or rent. Trust Me to protect your heart and your mind. There are tons of things you covet in your mind. Help Me as we both, together, fight the thoughts that enter your mind. You are so weak mentally. There is no type of protection over your mind. The anxiety you have, the lust you allow, it is because you haven’t given Me your mind. Your husband won’t come until you give Me your mind.

I love you and the plans I have for you and your husband are wonderful! Way more grand than you could ever comprehend. I am excited for you to meet, fall in love with Me as a couple, and walk on the beautiful and hard terrain I have for you, but you need to be ready to walk that road. You need to prepare now so you won’t fall later. You are My beloved. It hurts Me when you fall, when you allow such things to control what you see and what you do. That is not of Me.

I give you desires for you to control not for them to control you. Those desires are a reminder that I have not forgotten you. But I also know a deeper desire is to follow Me, to do as I have designed for you.

Fear. That thought that just came into your mind that you aren’t good enough; that you can’t do it. See how we caught that thought like a gnat flying around? We can catch it and kill it or we just swat it enough for it to fly away for it to come back at some point. Sometimes you think you have killed it, but you weren’t even close. Don’t let the gnat or the thought of it returning distract you.

Let Me handle the gnats of your mind.”

I pray you are able to identify the gnats in your mind!

Surprise

September 17, 2017Leave a comment

‘My timing is not His timing. My plans are not His plans. My ways are not His ways. My good for His Great.’ Words you keep telling yourself when you know something is coming, but you have no idea what it is.

I am a planner. I like to know that things have been thought through and planned, so I know what to expect. No surprises. Because, well, I hate surprises.

Let me elaborate. I don’t mind being surprised, but I can’t stand knowing there is one coming. If I am going to be surprised, I would prefer to be completely in the dark until it is fully revealed. I guess that is why I dislike scary movies or scary anything for that matter. I know I am going to be scared, I just don’t know when it’s coming, and that irritates the crud out of me.

I truly believe God finds this characteristic of mine amusing. Because although He is a planner as well, He does not always divulge His plans to His children. He gives us our daily bread. He wants us to depend on Him, trusting that He indeed has it all worked out. Giving us too much might make us greedy; giving us too little, would be leaving us wanting more.

Five years ago, God told me something was happening in my 40^th year. That’s all He said, something. No details. No specifics. Not even a category. I already knew that my 40^th year would include Jake graduating, but I knew that wasn’t going to be all.

When I first heard that message, I spent months imagining what it could be. Was I getting married? Was I moving to Guatemala? Or back to Florida? Was I getting married? (Oh, did I say that already?) I tried to find answers in everything. I was frustrated that I knew something was going to happen, but I didn’t know what.

As the years passed, the desire to know dwindled. I got busy and caught in the present that I forgot about the future, per say. Plus, it was so far off, it kind of seemed out of reach. Well, as my 40^th year got closer, the anxiety and desire to know rekindled and it was stronger than ever. Jake graduated, knew where he was going to school and it was all paid for (PRAISE JESUS!!). But what about me? What was I going to do?

Well, some things worked themselves out and I ended up spending my 40^th birthday back home in Florida. I spent 10 wonderful days with friends from throughout the 15 years Jake and I had lived there. Person after person asked when I was coming back. Of course, that was my desire, but I wasn’t certain if it was God’s will, so I just asked people to pray.

When I got back to Thomasville, I was renewed. Not knowing wasn’t scary anymore, it was just unnerving. I prayed and prayed. Begging for an answer. Begging for some huge revelation of the remainder of “the plan”, and it came, sort of. It wasn’t a huge revelation, but it was a huge storm. Hurricane Irma was on its way to crush my home and all I wanted was to be there with my friends. As crazy as it sounds, I wanted to weather the storm with them.

The Friday and Saturday prior to the storm hitting, I was literally sick. My anxiety was causing my body to go haywire. Then God did something amazing. He made the hurricane fall apart. As the days passed, yes, there was evidence of a storm, but there was a sense of gratefulness for God and His never-ending mercy.

After a week of anxiety, anticipating the worst storm in history, there were deep breaths and sighs of relief. I was also relieved. Relieved my friends and their homes were spared, but my anxiety had made a shift. I now knew what my next step was to be.

And this is where I am today. At the crossroad of this next step, a new chapter. I have given a “I’m leaving, but not sure when” notice at work and know that I am moving back to Florida at some point, but that is as far as I know. I am looking diligently for a job. Applying for whatever opportunity crosses my path and praying for God’s direction every step of the way. Would I like the entire plan laid out before me? Of course, but for right now I will do my best to be satisfied with the daily bread He provides and try not to get too caught up in the fact that I still, in fact, hate surprises.

Last First Day

August 7, 2016Leave a comment

The night before your senior year begins, the words of 1 Peter 2:12 are my prayer for you…”Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

As the close of a chapter in your life approaches, know this. As there will always be people who love you, there will also be people who don’t. There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with your actions no matter how good your intentions. Some will even make things up about you in an effort to bring you down. But my prayer despite all of that negativity and slander? May they know that despite their greatest efforts you are a young man after God’s heart because your actions contradict their words.

So, it comes back to you…

Seek God FIRST! If you seek Him first, you will never lose your direction.
Follow His prompting. By doing what He calls you to do, it won’t matter what anyone says.
Seek to ONLY please God! Human approval is based on results; God sees your heart and loves you beyond your wins or losses.
See what He sees. Many have told you or made you felt like you were less than, but know that when God sees you, He sees a bold, strong, courageous man who will bring many to His Kingdom.

As a result, you will not be dependent on the opinions of others and it will help you see the good in everyone. Then those very people who accuse you, will be the ones who glorify God because of your unwavering character and faith.

God has HUGE, GREAT things for you and they are not in the future. THEY ARE NOW! Don’t miss the opportunities He gives you. I am PROUD to be your mother! I love you! I bless you in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

May your last first day be the first day of a new and amazing journey. A journey that your Heavenly Father has specifically chosen for you!

But God…

May 28, 2016Leave a comment

I was recently reminded that often when we are tested and tempted, it could be a sign that a reward for our faithfulness could be right around the corner. That with God and the Holy Spirit within us, there is always victory no matter how often we doubt and stumble.

She awaited the revelation, the appointed time, which spoke of the end and would not be proven false. Though it lingered, she waited for it because she knew it would certainly come and would not delay[1]. She had always prayed for falsehood and lies to be kept from her; she wanted neither poverty nor riches, but only her daily bread. Because she knew if she had too much she would disown her God. Or too little, she would steal and dishonor His name [2]. Yet she sat alone looking out the window, thinking, longing, “Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish? In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction; You have put all my sins behind Your back”[3].

He reminded her that He knew her deeds, her love and faith, her service and perseverance, and that she was now doing more than she did at first[4]. “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach; for I am your Maker, your Husband”[5]. Though once comforting, His words now seemed distant, unattainable. Knowing her heart so well, He continued, “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you now perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”[6].

His words reminded her that He was faithful to all of His promises and loving toward all He has made. He was near to all who called on Him[7]. That if she delighted herself in Him, He would delight in her ways and make her steps firm. Though she stumbled, He would not fail her and give her the desires of her heart[8].

In her anguish, she cried out to the Lord and He answered by setting her free[9]. She then knew that if she only put her hope in Him, her strength and her spirit would always be renewed[10]. For perhaps the reason they were separated for this short while, was that they may be together forever[11].

[1] Habakkuk 2:3
[2] Proverbs 30:8-9
[3] Isaiah 38:17
[4] Revelation 2:19
[5] Isaiah 54:4-5
[6] Isaiah 43:18-19
[7] Psalms 145:13, 18
[8] Psalms 37:4, 23-24
[9] Psalms 118:5
[10] Isaiah 40:31
[11] Philemon 15

Endurance for the Long Journey

April 8, 2014June 18, 2016Leave a comment

The promises You have laid before me, Father, have required much of me. When I first accepted this journey, I was eager and excited. As of late, the length of the journey has left me exhausted and resistant to continue. All I see before me is an endless sea with no land in sight. Yet, I look back and You remind me how far we have traveled and it stirs my heart to continue. Your words, your love, give me comfort. I may be exhausted, unmotivated, and often plain lazy, but search my heart and know that my desire is to follow You until the ends of the earth.

In the midst of this journey, I will rest on the promises of Your Words to me:

When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;
he brought me into a spacious place. ~ Psalm 118:5

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
    give me neither poverty nor riches,
    but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
    and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God. ~ Proverbs 30:8-9

I know your deeds,
your love and faith,
your service and perseverance,
and that you are now doing more than you did at first. ~ Revelation 2:19

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
    it speaks of the end
    and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
    it will certainly come
    and will not delay. ~ Habakkuk 2:3

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland. ~ Isaiah 43:18-19

Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while
was that you might have him back forever~ Philemon 1:15

True Faith

February 17, 2014Leave a comment

I have been hoping, waiting, and looking for God’s promises to come true, but as this revealed to me, that is not believing. It is not true faith.

Streams in the Desert – February 17

The land which I do give to them, even to the children of Israel. (Joshua 1:2 KJV)

God is speaking about something immediate in this verse. It is not something He is going to do but something He does do, at this very moment. As faith continues to speak, God continues to give. He meets you today in the present and tests your faith. As long as you are waiting, hoping, or looking, you are not believing. You may have hope or an earnest desire, but that is not faith, for “faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1). The command regarding believing prayer is: “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24). We are to believe that we have received – this present moment. Have we come to the point where we have met God in His everlasting now? from Joshua, by A.B. Simpson

True faith relies on God and believes before seeing. Naturally, we want some evidence that our petition is granted before we believe, but when we “live by faith” (2 Cor. 5:7), we need no evidence other than God’s Word. He has spoken, and in harmony with our faith it will be done. We will see because we have believed, and true faith sustains us in the most trying of times, even when everything around us seems to contradict God’s Word.

The psalmist said, “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Ps. 27:13). He had not yet seen the Lord’s answer to his prayer, but he was confident he would see, and his confidence sustained him.

Faith that believes it will see, will keep us from becoming discouraged. We will laugh at seemingly impossible situations while we watch with delight to see how God is going to open a path through our Red Sea. It is in these places of severe testing, with no human way out of our difficulty, that our faith grows, and is strengthened.

Dear troubled one, have you been waiting for God to work during long nights and weary days, fearing you have been forgotten? Lift up your head and begin praising Him right now for the deliverance that is on its way to you. from Life of Praise

A Glimpse

January 4, 2014January 4, 2014Leave a comment

The study was majestic. His writing desk was enormous and His chair was more like a throne. She had been in His Study before, but she was amazed every time she entered, what seemed to be a grand court. The desk did not face the door, but out towards a large bay window, which had a wide and endless view of the beauty on the other side of a thin glass pane. The sun shun brightly it illuminated the entire room. Even in the evening the moon was just so radiant; no light was ever needed.

Not wanting to disturb Him she quietly entered the room. Her effort to be as quiet as possible was thwarted by a table which stood in her direct path. Shading her eyes from the bright sun, she did not see it until she walked into it. The sound was quite loud, but Her Father was never the kind who was bothered easily, especially at the sight of His little girl. He scooped her up His arms and placed her in His lap. Though it was an invisible bump seen only to His little girl, He tended to her “injury” for the sole purpose of having His angel on His lap once more. As she had gotten older, she discovered independence. So, moments like these were few and far between.

Loving this moment, He gave her a glimpse of what He was doing. He was writing. Writing about her. His dreams and plans for her. Everything He wanted His daughter to experience. As she read, she was amazed as what He had written. Was this really what He had planned for her? Could this truly be a glimpse into the future she will one day have? Her excitement soon became doubt. Did He know who was on His lap? The sunlight was extremely bright, so He could have easily mistaken her for another child. Had He not already done so much for her? How could all of this possibly be for her?

Sensing her unease, He cradled her tightly and called her by name. He read aloud the words He had written. His words were soft, gentle, yet full of excitement and certainty. Although still unsure, she listened intently envisioning the words He spoke. The promise of a loving husband, children (possibly 2 little girls and a boy), a strong marriage and ministry that would change the hearts of many.

She was amazed! She could not believe He would desire such things for her. Had He forgotten what a spoiled, stubborn child she could be at times? How she often stumbled, fallen, and tarnished the gifts He had given her? The uncertainty, fear, and shame engulfed her like a crashing wave. She listened for Him to say her name once more. Once He spoke it, she felt solace in hearing it. Maybe He had written this for her. Maybe this was a glimpse into her future. Maybe He did know who she was…His precious little girl.

2 Samuel 7:18-22 – King David went in, took his place before God, and prayed: “Who am I, my Master God, and what is my family, that you have brought me to this place in life? But that’s nothing compared to what’s coming, for you’ve also spoken of my family far into the future, given me a glimpse into tomorrow, my Master God! What can I possibly say in the face of all this? You know me, Master God, just as I am. You’ve done all this not because of who I am but because of who you are—out of your very heart!—but you’ve let me in on it. “This is what makes you so great, Master God! There is none like you, no God but you, nothing to compare with what we’ve heard with our own ears.

Acts 27:25 – “I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me.”

Daily Dose of JenSan

Daily? I will do my best!

Category: Promises