Category: Love

Last First Day

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The night before your  senior year begins, the words of 1 Peter 2:12 are my prayer for you…”Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

As the close of a chapter in your life approaches, know this. As there will always be people who love you, there will also be people who don’t. There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with your actions no matter how good your intentions. Some will even make things up about you in an effort to bring you down. But my prayer despite all of that negativity and slander? May they know that despite their greatest efforts you are a young man after God’s heart because your actions contradict their words.

So, it comes back to you…

  1. Seek God FIRST! If you seek Him first, you will never lose your direction.
  2. Follow His prompting. By doing what He calls you to do, it won’t matter what anyone says.
  3. Seek to ONLY please God! Human approval is based on results; God sees your heart and loves you beyond your wins or losses.
  4. See what He sees. Many have told you or made you felt like you were less than, but know that when God sees you, He sees a bold, strong, courageous man who will bring many to His Kingdom.

As a result, you will not be dependent on the opinions of others and it will help you see the good in everyone. Then those very people who accuse you, will be the ones who glorify God because of your unwavering character and faith.

God has HUGE, GREAT things for you and they are not in the future. THEY ARE NOW! Don’t miss the opportunities He gives you. I am PROUD to be your mother! I love you! I bless you in the name of our Lord  and Savior, Jesus Christ!

May your last first day be the first day of a new and amazing journey. A journey that your Heavenly Father has specifically chosen for you!

But God…

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I was recently reminded that often when we are tested and tempted, it could be a sign that a reward for our faithfulness could be right around the corner. That with God and the Holy Spirit within us, there is always victory no matter how often we doubt and stumble.

She awaited the revelation, the appointed time, which spoke of the end and would not be proven false. Though it lingered, she waited for it because she knew it would certainly come and would not delay[1]. She had always prayed for falsehood and lies to be kept from her; she wanted neither poverty nor riches, but only her daily bread. Because she knew if she had too much she would disown her God. Or too little, she would steal and dishonor His name [2]. Yet she sat alone looking out the window, thinking, longing, “Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish? In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction; You have put all my sins behind Your back”[3].

He reminded her that He knew her deeds, her love and faith, her service and perseverance, and that she was now doing more than she did at first[4]. “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach; for I am your Maker, your Husband”[5]. Though once comforting, His words now seemed distant, unattainable. Knowing her heart so well, He continued, “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you now perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”[6].

His words reminded her that He was faithful to all of His promises and loving toward all He has made. He was near to all who called on Him[7]. That if she delighted herself in Him, He would delight in her ways and make her steps firm. Though she stumbled, He would not fail her and give her the desires of her heart[8].

In her anguish, she cried out to the Lord and He answered by setting her free[9]. She then knew that if she only put her hope in Him, her strength and her spirit would always be renewed[10]. For perhaps the reason they were separated for this short while, was that they may be together forever[11].

[1] Habakkuk 2:3
[2] Proverbs 30:8-9
[3] Isaiah 38:17
[4] Revelation 2:19
[5] Isaiah 54:4-5
[6] Isaiah 43:18-19
[7] Psalms 145:13, 18
[8] Psalms 37:4, 23-24
[9] Psalms 118:5
[10] Isaiah 40:31
[11] Philemon 15

Unattainable

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When you have been broken, knocked down, and had battle after battle, you tend to not think much of yourself. You tend to see the promises of God for everyone else, but not for you. Yes, you are forgiven and somewhat restored, but the complete promises of God are simply unattainable. This is something I struggle with daily.

Most people are familiar with the fruits of the spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Although, I fervently pursue all of these, the two I most desire are kindness and gentleness. Yes, I could easily use a dose (or ten) of patience, but being kind and gentle have always been (in my eyes) the unattainable ones.

If you know me, you know I am quite frank and often brass in my tone. I am loud and outgoing; always laughing and “putting on a show”. I believe I lack a filter (you could even say self-control) of some sort. I am not wallflower by any means. I like to stand out, speak up, be heard. Kind and gentle are not words I would use to describe me. Although I believed these characteristics to be unattainable, my God is bigger than what I believe and I trust Him more than I believe in myself. So, I pray.

Beginning early in 2012, I was praying to grow to be gentle and kind. On my birthday that year, I received a card that encouraged me in my pursuit; I knew I also had the intercession of my friends. Just when I thought I was headed in the right direction, I would have some sort of outburst or internal dialogue that was neither gentle nor kind. My prayer everyday was that I grow to be gentle and kind. It is still one of my greatest desires.

For several months now I have been volunteering at the Alpha Women’s Resource Center as their Post-Abortion Recovery Facilitator. In between groups, I go every Tuesday to pray for the ministry with the Client Advocate Director, Teresa. During our time of conversation and prayer, Teresa and I have grown extremely close. The comfort and safety I feel with her is indescribable. I share things with her I don’t share with my oldest, closest friends. Her love for me is authentic and when she prays on my behalf, I have a sense that God is truly listening. One day after our prayer time, I burst into tears. I explained through my tears, that although appreciative of her words, I was struggling with her description of me.

The two words that Teresa often used to describe me were kind and gentle. The two very words I believed to be unattainable. I told her my prayer and desire to be kind and gentle, but felt I was nowhere near that goal. I told her I knew God could make me kind and gentle if He chose to, but I just wasn’t there yet. She smiled in her motherly kind of way and said that she believed I am kind and gentle already. She described how she often sees how kind and gentle I really am. She reassured me that my meek and soft-spoken are not the only way kindness and gentleness are expressed. Although encouraging, her words have not fully penetrated my heart. I still see kind and gentle as being meek and soft-spoken. It is something that still pray for everyday but I now have hope that what once unattainable isn’t only attainable, but also not too far from my grasp.

The Gift

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For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

She laid in her bed, waiting for him to wake up. It had been years since she had this feeling. The first time in a long time she was anxious for Christmas morning to arrive. Would he like his presents? Would they fit? Would he get swept up in the material things and forget all they had learned the past few years? 

She couldn’t wait any longer. It was 7:30 a.m., plenty of “sleeping in” time. She ran into his room shouting “It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!” “Mother” he groaned.  While he slowly got up, dressed, brushed his teeth, she paced in the hall. Finally! He walked into the living room.

He gathered “the boys” (aka the cats) and opened their gift first. They were just as pleased with the wrapping paper than the actual gift. He then gave her the gifts he had gotten for her. She was with him when he purchased them, so it wasn’t a surprised, but that didn’t stop her from acting otherwise.

One by one he opened his gifts. His excitement filled her heart with joy and humility. There was no way she would be able to have done any of this if it wasn’t for her Heavenly Father prompting others to provide the means. It was simply overwhelming, yet her heart was still heavy.

As the last gift was opened and “the boys” played in their new playground of boxes and wrapping paper, she asked him to pray with her; he opened, she closed. His words were simple, but appreciative. Of course, he was grateful for the gifts, but he seemed more grateful for the many Blessings His Heavenly Father had showered them with, especially their precious Savior. On this glorious morn, filled with wanted, yet unnecessary material gifts, he had remembered to be thankful for the Giver not just the gifts.

She had taught him right, but why was her heart still heavy? There was still a deep longing for something more. Like the gifts she had received which could not be wrapped or placed under a tree, she longed for the one tangible gift her heart desired.  She was confident it was still yet to come for she had been showered with glimpses of a future filled with fulfillment, laughter, and love. Nevertheless this was not the year she would receive it.

As the day continued, the emotions of the gifts received (and those not yet received) had subsided, but the joy in their hearts remained. For the gifts unwrapped today, those of yesterday and even those yet to come could not compare to the gift that was given to them many years ago in the little town of Bethlehem when a King, their Savior, was born; The Greatest Gift of all!

All I Could Ever Ask For

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The past couple of years I have written a post commemorating Jake on his birthday. This year, I had the privilege of commemorating him in my speech class. Below is the speech I presented just a few days after his 15th birthday.

I remember the exact moment I fell in love. It was 9:11 a.m. on Thursday, November 12, 1998. Prior to that moment, I had no concept of what true love was. Yet, the moment my baby boy was placed in my arms, I was immediately overwhelmed by it.

When the nurse took him to check his vitals, he began to cry. My mama bear instincts kicked in and all I wanted to do was hurt that nurse. My baby boy is now 15 years old and as 3 John 1:4 states “I have no greater joy than to hear that my [son is] walking in the truth.

The road we have traveled has not been easy. He could have easily chosen the path paved with lies, fears, insecurities, and self-destruction, but he has chosen another path. Despite all my son has witnessed, on Monday, October 27, 2008, he chose to walk in the Truth of Jesus Christ. Since then, my son has not only grown physically, but emotionally, and spiritually, as well, in ways this mother could only dream of.

Now, just because he chose to follow the Lord at a young age, my child is far from perfect; after all he is a teenager. He has this gift of pushing my buttons, holding his finger on them until he sees I am about to burst. And everything I ask him to do is a huge inconvenience.

I remember him telling me for months that we did not have to spend an entire summer in Guatemala. He had never been there and had no desire to go. Even at the airport in Miami as we waited for our connecting flight, he would say “Mother, we can still turn around.” But no matter how strong his desire not to go was, something inside of him was telling him that he needed to go.

During one of the lowest points of our trip, while reading the Bible, he read the words of Habakkuk 2:3, “For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” It was like a light bulb went off. At that moment, my son, at the age of 13, believed and held on to those words, trusting the Lord did have something in store for us.

Without fail, just 2 weeks later, this same young man was telling me with absolute certainty that we were moving to Alabama. The child who kept telling me “Mother, we can still turn around” was saying we had to move to a town we only knew existed for 3 days, in a state we had never been to. How the tables had turned; my son was now challenging me to do something I did not want to do, but knew we had to. By the end of our 8 weeks in Guatemala, he had grown 3 inches, his signature long hair was gone and a young man emerged.

John Eldredge, in his book Wild at Heart, mentions that at the core of every man there are three desires; a battle to fight for, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. My son had officially begun his journey into manhood. I suddenly began to see his desire to be the hero in his own little world, slay dragons, and one day rescue his very own damsel in distress.

I had no idea what a good man was supposed to look like, let alone a hero. After all when I saw my son, all I saw was my baby. Then I heard a song by Shane and Shane that said “I wish that I could be your everything. Be the one to give you all the things you need, but sometimes I’m going to let you down. There’s someone if you just believe, who will be your hero like he’s always been for me. Darling, Jesus is the one you need.” I suddenly knew what I needed to do. I needed to continuously direct my son to the One who “knit him in my womb” and has “great plans for him” as the Bible describes.

I would like to leave you with the words of my son’s favorite verse, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16). If the past few years are any indication of what is to come, this young man, my young man, Jake Anthony Tsakos, will continue to prove that God still speaks to and works through anyone who is available, no matter their age or circumstance.

Last night, Jake and I were talking about how much we both don’t like being in Alabama, but we agreed this is where the Lord has us for now. Jake continued by saying that it is great that I am able to go to school, but he knows we are here for him. He said he believed that he wouldn’t be “this strong” if we were still living in Florida. I knew he was referring to his spiritual strength and I was taken back to the moment I held him in my arms for the first time. Except now, I was overwhelmed with love and pride for the young man I was seeing before me. Happy Birthday, Baby! I love you!

Rest

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The house is finally quiet, peaceful. Dirty dishes, toys, shoes, and other signs of joy and life are scattered throughout. The day and week have been long. The kids have finally asleep in their beds.  I rest in my husband’s arms before tackling a messy home; he my helper as I am his. Tonight, this is what my heart longs for.

As my imagination runs wild with such detail, I am reminded that such longing was designed by my Father. He placed this desire to be united with the man He has created for me. This desire was to be a reminder of the deep desire He has to be eternally united with me. Unfortunately, the reminder has been tainted, transformed into a replacement and become the “destination” for so many (including myself at times).

Marriage was meant to mirror the relationship between Christ and His people. As a bride longs for her groom, our hearts should ache to be with Him. The pure exhilaration of being carried over the Heavenly Threshold in the arms of our Beloved is the truest manifestation of our heart’s deepest desire. No matter how much we try to masquerade it with earthly replicas, it can never be matched.

I admit I long for the day that I am able to rest in my husband’s arms, but I more so yearn for the day when I am able to eternally rest in my Heavenly Groom’s arms.

Goes Without Saying

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As I do everyday, I prayed for you today. They may not be as specific as I would like, but I pray what I know. I pray for you to be bold, strong, courageous and fearless. I pray for your faith and knowledge of God to increase everyday. I pray for your heart to yearn for Him as it never has. I pray the people currently in your life are drawing you closer to Him and, selfishly of course, I pray for those relationships to draw you closer to me as well.

I pray that you are not like some people who “always avoid things that are costly, or things that require self-denial, self-restraint, and self-sacrifice” (Streams in the Desert).  For seeking such things will not lead you to greatness. An easier life doesn’t develop a strong person. I don’t recall stories of God’s great men travelling in calm and smooth seas. They were in storms, floods, and even shipwrecks, but those are the ones who found joy, contentment, and peace. They fought the good fight and ran the race. They were willing to risk it all. Friends, family, stability, and safety meant nothing if it kept them from God and His will for their lives. This is my prayer for you — seek His will without hesitation.

When you seek Him with all your heart that is when you will find Him. But when you seek, I pray you also see. See what He brings before your eyes. Carefully consider the thoughts that cross your mind. The “sightings” you have may be a word from Him and not just a fleeting memory.

Everyday you are closer to the man He has created you to be; the man I have prayed for you to become. I may not be able to witness this progression in your life, but I have faith it is happening and will continue praying you through each moment, especially the difficult times that I am sure will come, if you are not already in the midst of them.

As Philip Brooks states, I do not pray for your life to be easy, for an easy life would not build boldness and strength. I do not pray for your tasks to be equal to your power, but for your power to grow equal to your tasks. Because then doing your work will not be a miracle, but through it all, you will become the miracle.

I know this goes without saying, but I love you! I never stopped and I don’t believe I ever will!

Like in the movies, you know?

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Originally posted as Facebook note on December 30, 2010. It is so amazing to see how my heart once cried out to be so madly in love with Jesus and, although I do not yet know the extent of His love for me, I have fallen for Him and He is all the Man I need!

I have been seeking, desperately craving for someone to love me before I love them. Someone who seeks me and professes their undying love for me. Like in the movies, you know?

And this morning, it hits me like a ton of bricks…I have that! There is Someone who loves me THAT much! Who sits by waiting for me to call on Him, to gush about Him, to dream of my future with Him! Why haven’t I seen it? Why have I been blinded by the imitation that this world keeps throwing at me? NOTHING COMPARES TO THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR ME!!! Nothing! No man, not my child, not my family, not my friends! My hopes and desires rest in Him and when I desperately fall in love with Him, like I have been so craving to do with someone on earth, nothing else will matter!!

A couple of nights ago during a Prayer and Praise, I heard a few people cry how much they loved God. To be honest, I thought it to be a bit weird. But now? Now, I am jealous of them! I want to fall madly, deeply in love with my Savior! With the One who loved me first, and professed His love for me on the cross! Like in the Bible, you know? 🙂

Just had to share!
In His Loving Arms,
Jen

Excerpt from Beth Moore’s study that caused my revelation: “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you?” (Gal. 3:1). Who has made us think that all lesser loves which are mere shadows of God’s true love can feel while the greatest love for which the heart was created is not felt? It simply exists. We sing of it. We speak of it. But we do not feel it.

At the risk offending thousands of people, I will say again what the Spirit of God bellows in my soul: the bride of Christ suffers from lack of love for her Groom. She admires Him. She is grateful to Him. She’s been saved by Him. She is intellectually stimulated by Him. She loves her new clothes. She is enamored by the jewels. But she expected to feel love. Is it OK that she doesn’t? Is that normal?

The bride is suffering from post-deliverance depression. She expected to feel something. Is it OK that she doesn’t?

Bride of Christ, we must neither tolerate a lack of love in our souls nor let anyone convince us that it is normal not to feel love for God. The bride was created to love the Groom. Not only is a lack of love for God our heart’s most needless tragedy, loving God is our only recourse for divinely loving others.