Bungee Free

“Every time I got pregnant I miscarried. My gynecologist said it was because of the abortion. Dynah was a miracle. But…there’s more to it than the physical part. It’s been twenty-nine years, and I’m still not over it.” That is an excerpt from one my favorite books, The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers.

According to Planned Parenthood, stories like this and the information I shared with you in my last speech are “unfounded claims”. They state abortion to be a “relatively benign procedure in terms of emotional effect” and describe “abortion as a positive coping mechanism”. Today, my goal is to convince you that not only is abortion anything but benign or a positive coping mechanism, but that there are many men and women hurting emotionally. They need to know there is healing and that they are not alone.

Merriam-Webster defines benign as “having no significant effect, harmless”. In my last speech, I shared with you that I have been leading post abortive recovery groups since 2010. What I did not mention was that in 2006 I went through that very same study. Going through the study, helped me realize that unbeknownst to me choosing to have not 1, but 2 abortions did have a significant effect in my life and were indeed harmful to me emotionally and possibly physically.

Now, grant it, in 2000, at the time I had my abortions, I did see my choice as a positive coping mechanism for my careless behavior. However, 6 years later after completing the recovery journey, I realized because of my abortions my self-confidence was non-existent and the dreams I once had, had become (in my mind) unattainable. In exchange for my right to choose, I relinquished my right to dream. As mentioned in the study I completed and now facilitate, Surrendering the Secret, I considered myself a “used rag”; unworthy of anything good, let alone great.

Planned Parenthood and many sources I have read on the subject, including the 2009 Bioethics article entitled, Post-Abortion Syndrome: Creating an Affliction, claim there is no such thing as Post-Abortion Syndrome. I am no medical expert nor can I speak for every post abortive man and woman, but I can say for myself and the many men and women I know who have chosen abortion, it is not harmless nor a positive experience.

Imagine I am trying to walk out of a door. There is nothing in my way nor is there is anything holding me back from leaving this room. But what if there was something keeping me from walking out of the door, like a bungee cord for example? Outside of that door there is freedom and a future, but if I am tied in here all I know is what occurs in this room. It may not be all bad in this room, but outside there is so much more. I can tell you that my decision to abort my babies kept me on a bungee cord for a very long time. I was able to move forward, but could only get to a certain point before I was pulled back.

Now, several years later, I still struggle with insecurities, fears and doubts, but am wiser and more aware when they arise. I am also aware of my higher chance of miscarriage or even infertility is not a punishment from God, but a consequence to my “right to choose”.

Because of the media and public opinion, there are millions of men and women today (possibly in your life) that do not know they are suffering because of their choice to abort. Even if they do associate their symptoms with their abortion, they are probably too ashamed or riddled with guilt to seek the help they need. I know that was the case for me.

Although society and media say abortion is benign and a positive coping mechanism for an unplanned pregnancy that is not the case for everyone. I understand I may not have convinced all of you, but if you or someone you know ever comes to a place where abortion is an option, I pray the seed I planted today will sprout and remind you that everything you are told in the media is not always true.

In closing, I don’t know any of your stories. I don’t know what has tainted your life, but I want to reassure you that if abortion is part of your history, it no longer has to be a bungee cord holding you back. I want you to know that I was once held back myself, but through God’s grace and forgiveness those choices will no longer define me. I now embrace and recognize my 2 children in Heaven and know one day I will be reunited with them. I am one voice, just one person, but if my words have stirred something inside of you, I encourage you to please contact me or someone who will help. Please know that you can live bungee free.

– A persuasive speech I wrote and presented in speech class. –

No Picking and Choosing

If we choose to follow Christ, we choose to believe that His Word, the Bible, is the Truth; all of it, not parts. I do not care what the world or the government, or my own flesh, for that matter, has to say about the sanctity of human of life, I care and believe what the Word of God says!

The World’s View

The Biblical View

SEX is a physical and emotional desire to be fulfilled by consensual union.
 SEX is the physical, emotional, and spiritual union of a married couple (Genesis 2:24-25).
 PREGNANCY begins with attachment of an embryo to the uterine wall (implantation). If desirable, pregnancy is good. If undesirable pregnancy is a problem, and it is the woman’s right to choose whether or not the product of conception will be allowed to remain in the uterus or be terminated by abortion.
 PREGNANCY begins with the union of egg and sperm (fertilization). God “opens the womb” and is in control of the timing and continuation of a pregnancy, whether it is planned by the parents or not (Genesis 29:31, 30:1-2, 22-23; Psalm 119:73, 139:13-16). An unplanned pregnancy may be a crisis to the parents, but it can and should be dealt with in a way that honors the sanctity of human life.
 CHILDREN should be wanted or planned. If not, they are a burden.
 CHILDREN are a blessing from the Lord (Deuteronomy 28:4, 11; Psalm 127:3-5; Isaiah 40:11).

*chart from Intimacy Before Impact (c) 2007

Not of me, but He who lives in me!

I can’t share how amazing it feels to know I am worthless and I can’t do anything. It is great knowing that whatever task is placed in front me, I will completely mess it up. Most people tell us that we have to believe in ourselves. We need to believe that “we can”!

The enemy reminds us day in and day out what failures we are; how we are just good for nothing; that our mistakes and our past will never allow us to be seen as anything more than mediocre. And if you sit and think about it, as much as you want to believe he is lying, he isn’t!

I have learned that until I realize I am what the enemy and people tell I am, only then will I truly realize how much I need Jesus! How much I need to fully rely on Him for guidance, protection and purpose. I am nothing without Christ living in me. I am prone to mistakes and failure, but my Savior is not!

This weekend has already been so amazing! Yesterday, I got to spend time with some girlfriends. It started up as a fundraiser, and ended up being a hair salon! Gotta love it when girls get together! As fabulous as last night was, I can’t even begin to imagine what the rest of the weekend holds!

Tomorrow is the 39th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. Many of you know my story and know I feel called to help others find the restoration I have found in Christ. I feel the Lord calling me to blow the door down on the subject of abortion…and it begins this weekend at my church, Calvary Baptist!

With the support and encouragement of my Pastor, he and I will speak candidly about abortion…during his sermon. We will also have a table set up with more information on the study I lead, Surrendering the Secret, and details how to begin the journey towards healing and forgiveness that we can only find through Christ!

I am not worthy of this calling. I am not worthy to be used as the voice of the many children that are with Jesus because of our poor choices, but I can say the Lord has called me to this and only through Him who lives and strengthens me, can I be a light in the darkness of abortion!

I invite you all to attend any of our 3 services: Saturday 6:30pm, Sunday 9:15am and 11:00am, 110 North McMullen Booth Road, Clearwater, FL 33759. Also, please keep  in your prayers those who will hear this message. My prayer is that seeds will be planted, watered or given the strength to break through the ground as we “surrender our secret”!

We will be starting a new Surrendering the Secret study in February. If you are interested in joining or finding out more information, please contact me at 727-687-4693 or at secretsurrendered@gmail.com.

 

Come Out From Them and Be Separate

A young girl sat in the full waiting room of the clinic, her heart hammering, her stomach so tense she felt sick. One girl sat crying silently while an older, narrow-eyed, tight-lipped woman sat beside her. A woman in her late thirties sat with her slender legs crossed reading Fortune. Another girl, in her early teens, in a pair of baggy black Levi’s and a scoop-necked white T-shirt sat forward, knees and toes together, beside her a friend in a short black skirt and tight red sweater.

No one spoke. No one met the gaze of another. They stared down at their hands or a magazine or off into space.

The young girl closed her eyes tightly, praying for strength.
I AM HERE, BELOVED. I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD, WHO LOVES YOU.

The door opened, and a woman in white stood looking at her clipboard. “Number nine.”

The waiting room emptied of one.

The young girl hunched in her chair. Oh, God, oh, God, I’m so scared. I want to go home.

COME OUT FROM THEM, BELOVED, AND BE SEPARATE, AND I WILL LEAD YOU IN THE WAY EVERLASTING.

Shaking, she got up.

Her boyfriend clamped his hand around her wrist. “Where’re you going?” he said in a hushed, taut voice.

She leaned down and whispered. “I don’t want to do this.”

He pulled her down beside him again. “Do you think I do?”

“Then let’s leave.”

“And do what?” He leaned closer, speaking so only she could hear. “Look, this isn’t easy for me, either. Don’t make it any harder. We’ve been over this a hundred times. There’s nothing else we can do.”

She tried not to cry. Crying only upset him more. She didn’t want him to get mad at her. “I don’t think I can go though it.”

“You said your parents would disown you.”

THOUGH YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER FORSAKE YOU, I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.

“And what about school?”

“There must be another way.”

“What other way? You tell me what other way.”

She looked up at him pleadingly. “We could get married.”

“Yeah, right,” he said sotto voice. “And live on what? Love?”

“I’d work…”

“Give me a break. At that fast-food place? Making minimum wage? And what about after the baby comes? Kiss my future good-bye. I want to go to college. Remember?”

Her eyes burned with tears at his tone. He had been so sweet and tender before they had sex. After the first time, that was all he ever wanted. And now that she was pregnant, he was angry with her most of the time. It wasn’t all her fault she was in this condition. She’d only forgotten to take her pill that one day, and he’d never once taken precautions.

“I’m scared,” she said in a soft shaky voice.

TRUST ME. I AM YOUR ROCK AND YOUR FORTRESS. I AM YOUR DELIVERER, BELOVED. TAKE REFUGE IN ME, FOR I AM YOUR SHIELD AND THE HORN OF YOUR SALVATION. CALL TO ME AND I WILL RESCUE YOU FROM YOUR ENEMIES. THE CORDS OF DEATH WILL NOT ENTANGLE YOU…

“I’m scare, too,” he said, surprising her.

“I want to leave.”

He took her hand and held it tightly. She could feel the perspiration on his palms. “I’ve heard it’s not so bad,” he said bleakly.

SEEK ME, BELOVED, AND I WILL ANSWER YOU. I WILL DELIVER YOU. I WILL BE YOUR HIDING PLACE. I WILL PROTECT YOU AND SURROUND YOU WITH SONGS OF DELIVERANCE.

“It’s only supposed to take a few minutes. By tomorrow, it’ll all be behind us.”

She looked at her boyfriend and saw how uncomfortable he was. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He just wanted to get it over and get out of here.

Oh, God, I don’t want to lose him.

I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD AND THERE IS NO OTHER.

Her heart jumped as the door opened again.

TURN TO ME IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED AND I WILL…

Her number was called.

…LOVE YOU WITH A LOVE THAT WILL LAST FOREVER.

She hesitated.

“Go,” her boyfriend said, looking at her imploringly.

DO NOT HIDE YOUR FACE FROM ME, BELOVED. I LOVE YOU WITH AN EVERLASTING LOVE. I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU. HEED MY VOICE.

Her number was called again. She wanted to jump and run screaming from the room.

CALL OUT TO ME AND I WILL BRING YOU UP OUT OF THIS PIT OF DESPAIR AND SET YOUR FEET UPON THE ROCK. I WILL PROTECT YOU. I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU. OH, MY BELOVED CHILD, YOU ARE SO VERY PRECIOUS TO ME, SO PRECIOUS I DIED FOR YOU AND ROSE AGAIN THAT YOU MIGHT LIVE IN ME. TRUST ME. OH, MY BELOVED, TRUST ME.

Her boyfriend took her hand and stood. Heart hammering, she stood with him.

He didn’t take her out of the clinic. He handed her over to the woman in the doorway with the clipboard in her hand. The woman smiled and said everything would be all right. Letting go of her, the boy stepped back and turned away. As the girl went forward, she looked back and knew she was alone. When the door closed, death surrounded her.

And into the silence and separation that followed could be heard the weeping of God’s only begotten Son, the Atonement Child.

– Epilogue, The Atonement Child, Francine Rivers

Giving a Voice through Silence

Today is the Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity. As people wear red arm bands and duct tape to represent the number of lives silenced by a “choice”, I choose not to be silent…

Not because I disagree with what today represents, but because too many of us have been silent for too long! Abortion kills! Not only babies, but dreams and the lives of those involved.

The enemy through the media and the pro-choice industry makes abortion sound like birth control: once it’s done, it’s over. For those of us who have made that choice, we know full well, it is only the beginning.

The beginning of a downward spiral of “coping”in different ways; drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, isolation…the list goes on. So, many don’t even know that keeping the abortion a secret is the key to their behavior. Why? Because of another ridiculous lie from the enemy…”this is too bad to share, keep it a secret”.

LIAR!!!! Yes, it was a bad decision, but DO NOT KEEP IT HIDDEN! It will only eat you up from the inside. Trust me, I have seen it!

I just finished facilitating a Post-Abortion Bible Study, called Surrendering the Secret. It is an 8 week study that guides you through a journey. A journey to healing. I can’t fully describe what occurs during this time because most people don’t believe the freedom that is experienced once you have truly surrendered this “secret” to the Lord and allowed Him to mend your broken heart. Women come on in scared and ashamed. They walk out with their heads held high!

The healing isn’t because of the Bible Study. The Bible Study is the tool used to bring you closer to God where you can experience the freedom and forgiveness He is waiting to give you!

I could go on and on…My only prayer is that if you have had an abortion, seek a Post-Abortion Study that will help you! I have some links below. If you are not comfortable contacting or making the step alone, please contact me at 334-357-0445 or sanabriaj26@msn.com. I will be more than happy to pray with you and be with you as you take the step towards healing.

If you know of someone who has had an abortion or if someone mentions they have had an abortion, encourage, love and pray for them. God sees ALL sin as sin, we should, too!

Post-Abortion Studies

Surrendering the Secret – The 8-week study I completed and have facilitated twice. It is a ministry of A Woman’s Place in Tampa.

Passages – Passages is a ministry of New Life Solutions. The curriculum used is a 9-week Bible Study called Forgiven and Set Free.