The road to work has a beautiful view of the coastline and the traffic is minimal. However, this picturesque view is often overshadowed by the many potholes along the road. So much so, the beautiful winding road quickly feels more like an obstacle course.

The potholes are not so bad that they would cause immediate damage to my car, but driving over them everyday, could eventually cause some costly repairs to my car’s tires, shocks, and alignment to name a few things. So instead, of driving over them, I maneuver around.

The negative thoughts I allow in my mind are just like these potholes. I may not notice them or any immediate damage they may be causing, but the long term damage can be very costly.

For months, the Lord has been revealing to me that my mind is not His. Like the road I travel everyday, there are so many potholes (negative thoughts) that are stealing from the beautiful journey He has me on. Unlike the road I drive every morning, I have not avoided the potholes in my mind. I have driven over the same potholes for as long as I can remember and only until recently have I realized the costly price I have paid. Broken relationships, stifled dreams, unnecessary anxiety, to just name a few.

In the recent weeks, there have been crews smoothing out the road. Little by little the potholes will be filled up. As any other construction project, I am sure it will take a long time to get the even the smallest piece of road completely filled in to where the potholes won’t even be noticed. God has been showing me that my relationship with Him is what will fill the potholes in my mind.

Similarly to construction jobs, this will not be an easy or quick process. It will take time and dedication on my part to hold every thought captive and be intentional to replace those thoughts with His truths about me. My daily relationship with my Savior and His Word are just what I need to fill in these potholes and make this journey a much smoother ride.

Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things. – Philippians 4:8

If you have read any of my posts, you may have come to the conclusion that I am insecure and riddled with fear. Fear of my unworthiness, fear of success, fear of being found out to be the fraud I am (that is another subject for another day).

As a woman after God’s heart, my deepest desire is to do what God has called me to do, but my biggest fear is that if I do that which He has written on my heart, He will realize the mistake He has made in choosing me for such a calling.

Being a good mom, owning a home, writing books, being a speaker, leading Bible studies are just a few of the promises He has placed on my heart…some which He has spoken for many, many years. But because of my fear to be “found out”, I have been disobedient in all of these. And boy, has my fear and disobedience really ticked me off as of late.

I have been so mad, that my prayers are me yelling in anger. Please know that I am not yelling at God because I am mad at Him, but I am yelling because I am mad at myself. How can I let lies manipulate me into believing them instead of the Creator of the Universe? The Author of my story?

I am getting mad all over again just writing this, so I better move on to the chatterbox part…

The Bible talks about righteous anger. It says in Ephesians 4:26 “to be angry, yet not sin”. God has been showing me that the anger within me, is indeed, righteous anger. I am not angry with the intention to sin, but the intention to make myself better—more more like the One my heart adores!

In His infinite wisdom, God knows I (along with most of humankind) do much better in community. So, He has placed two amazing women to help me along the way; one in Florida and one in Kansas! They do not know each other and it is only because of my job, that I know them. The most interesting part of these two God-ordained friendships is that I have not met either of them in person. Text, phone calls, Zoom has been our mode of communication and yet I love them dearly; and there is no doubt God has hand-picked them to be His voice box in this season of my life.

In the past week, when my righteous anger has been at its peak, both women have spoken truth into my life. They have given me truth in Scripture, empathy, and love. Yet, neither has held back any punches…and if you know me, you know that is my kind friendship. Give it to me in love, but give it to me straight.

Because of them speaking truth into my life, I have been reminded that I am made in the image of God, the blood shed by Jesus covers ALL of my sin, and most importantly there isn’t anything He doesn’t know about me. In fact, He knows things about me that I don’t even know about me. Yikes!

And just because He can, God made sure I heard Him one more time during this morning’s sermon. The sermon title was “Big Promises” and it basically reminded me that “I may be nobody, but the One who holds me is Somebody” and He can and will use me, not in spite of my weakness, but because of it.

I am not sure what God’s intention is or even if there is someone that can relate to this rambling of mine, but the one thing I know for sure is that all of the Lord’s chattering has gotten me to do the one thing I have been afraid to do…write!