Bungee Free

“Every time I got pregnant I miscarried. My gynecologist said it was because of the abortion. Dynah was a miracle. But…there’s more to it than the physical part. It’s been twenty-nine years, and I’m still not over it.” That is an excerpt from one my favorite books, The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers.

According to Planned Parenthood, stories like this and the information I shared with you in my last speech are “unfounded claims”. They state abortion to be a “relatively benign procedure in terms of emotional effect” and describe “abortion as a positive coping mechanism”. Today, my goal is to convince you that not only is abortion anything but benign or a positive coping mechanism, but that there are many men and women hurting emotionally. They need to know there is healing and that they are not alone.

Merriam-Webster defines benign as “having no significant effect, harmless”. In my last speech, I shared with you that I have been leading post abortive recovery groups since 2010. What I did not mention was that in 2006 I went through that very same study. Going through the study, helped me realize that unbeknownst to me choosing to have not 1, but 2 abortions did have a significant effect in my life and were indeed harmful to me emotionally and possibly physically.

Now, grant it, in 2000, at the time I had my abortions, I did see my choice as a positive coping mechanism for my careless behavior. However, 6 years later after completing the recovery journey, I realized because of my abortions my self-confidence was non-existent and the dreams I once had, had become (in my mind) unattainable. In exchange for my right to choose, I relinquished my right to dream. As mentioned in the study I completed and now facilitate, Surrendering the Secret, I considered myself a “used rag”; unworthy of anything good, let alone great.

Planned Parenthood and many sources I have read on the subject, including the 2009 Bioethics article entitled, Post-Abortion Syndrome: Creating an Affliction, claim there is no such thing as Post-Abortion Syndrome. I am no medical expert nor can I speak for every post abortive man and woman, but I can say for myself and the many men and women I know who have chosen abortion, it is not harmless nor a positive experience.

Imagine I am trying to walk out of a door. There is nothing in my way nor is there is anything holding me back from leaving this room. But what if there was something keeping me from walking out of the door, like a bungee cord for example? Outside of that door there is freedom and a future, but if I am tied in here all I know is what occurs in this room. It may not be all bad in this room, but outside there is so much more. I can tell you that my decision to abort my babies kept me on a bungee cord for a very long time. I was able to move forward, but could only get to a certain point before I was pulled back.

Now, several years later, I still struggle with insecurities, fears and doubts, but am wiser and more aware when they arise. I am also aware of my higher chance of miscarriage or even infertility is not a punishment from God, but a consequence to my “right to choose”.

Because of the media and public opinion, there are millions of men and women today (possibly in your life) that do not know they are suffering because of their choice to abort. Even if they do associate their symptoms with their abortion, they are probably too ashamed or riddled with guilt to seek the help they need. I know that was the case for me.

Although society and media say abortion is benign and a positive coping mechanism for an unplanned pregnancy that is not the case for everyone. I understand I may not have convinced all of you, but if you or someone you know ever comes to a place where abortion is an option, I pray the seed I planted today will sprout and remind you that everything you are told in the media is not always true.

In closing, I don’t know any of your stories. I don’t know what has tainted your life, but I want to reassure you that if abortion is part of your history, it no longer has to be a bungee cord holding you back. I want you to know that I was once held back myself, but through God’s grace and forgiveness those choices will no longer define me. I now embrace and recognize my 2 children in Heaven and know one day I will be reunited with them. I am one voice, just one person, but if my words have stirred something inside of you, I encourage you to please contact me or someone who will help. Please know that you can live bungee free.

– A persuasive speech I wrote and presented in speech class. –

He’s not into the details, huh?

So, many people picture God as this Grand Being residing in Heaven, not really concerned with the cares of us as individuals. Some might think He cares about us as individuals, but isn’t concerned with the minute details of our everyday lives. Well, if you fall in either of those categories, I have a story for you…

From the moment I opened up my eyes this morning, I was trying to figure out how I was going to get everything on my list for today done. Normally, Thursdays aren’t that busy for me, but today was going to be insane. Work, class, doctor appointment, 5 homework assignments due, and the annual pregnancy center banquet. I just couldn’t see how I could get it all done.

As I was frantically trying to find something to wear so I could get to work on time, my BFF texted me asking how I was. She asked, so I let her have it (accidentally, sending a mass text to a bunch of ladies I had previously texted. Augh!). She replied with “LOL” and suggested I breathe and just give it all to the Lord. Was she crazy? I didn’t have time for that? I was going to be late.

As I was about to walk out the door, I stopped and prayed. I told the Lord what was on my list and for His will to be done and for me to okay with whatever happened or did not happen. I then left for work.

Almost at work, I noticed I didn’t have any makeup on and had forgotten my Boost breakfast drink.  What else could happen, really? Gracefully (luck had nothing to do with it), it got better…

I prayerfully decided to email my teacher to let her know I wouldn’t make it to class. She was very understanding. One less item on my list.

I then decided to get my tasks at work done so I could at least get my assignments started. During yesterday’s lab, my teacher went over the entire chapter in layman’s terms so the assignments were pretty simple since everything was fresh on my mind. Two items down.

Since I wasn’t going to class and had finished my assignments, I called the doctor’s office to see if I could get in earlier. The receptionist said my appointment was at 1:00 p.m. not 2:30. So, Gracefully (again no luck involved here) Thank God I 1. decided not to go to class and 2. call in to see if I could go in earlier. The Lord knew there was no way I could miss this appointment.

With all of that cleared, I will have ample time after my doctor’s appointment to get all gussied up for the banquet.

Now, people can say this was all luck or coincidence, but I believe because I stopped and gave my list to the Lord, allowing Him to take full control, I was free to go about my day knowing He was going to take care of me. In other words, I was living out my faith “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6).

One last thing…every women who has ever worn make up knows that it looks its best when first applied. Even a reapplication isn’t nearly as good. Well, since I forgot to put on make up this morning, when I do it later for the banquet, it will look its best. Now, that is a Mighty God who does care about the details.