In the year King Uzziah died

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I requested my friends to give me a verse and I would assign them a week for me to study the verse and pray it over their life. This week the verse is Isaiah 6:1:

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple.

I am not sure about you, but I am not a Bible scholar. When I read this verse, I really didn’t get much from it so I needed to find out what Isaiah meant by those words. Reading scripture can often be intimidating and often confusing. I believe that the Bible is God-breathed. Yes, imperfect humans penned it, but the Spirit of God inspired the words. Since I am not a Bible scholar, I have commentaries from those who are.

Here are the words from The Tony Evans Bible Commentary. I pray they bring this verse to life and when you read it, it will remind you of this powerful lesson.

“Here we see the prophet’s life-changing vision of God’s overwhelming holiness and his call to ministry. It was a very crucial point in the history of Judah. In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a high and lofty throne, and the hem of his robe filled the temple. So although Judah was experiencing turmoil at the death of its king, the true King was seated on his throne in sovereign glory. Isaiah thus learned that the kingdom of God operates according to his will, not according to outward circumstances. If you embrace this kingdom principle, it will change your life.” (page 639)

Dr. Evans continues to say; “Sometimes it takes a tragedy in our lives, or other negative circumstances, for us to truly see God. We may know him as our Savior but not be growing in a day-by-day experience of adopting his perspective of the world and living in obedience to it. In fact, that’s one reason God sometimes allows difficult situations to come into our lives. They help shift our focus off the created things and onto the Creator. Until we adjust our vision from the temporal to the eternal, we may miss out on seeing the eternal altogether. God is not merely interested in getting us to heaven. He wants us to see and experience him here. Sometimes God is most clearly seen in the midst of painful situations.” (page 640)

Studying this verse and discovering this explanation is a real-life application of what Dr. Evans is saying. It isn’t sufficient to just accept Jesus as our Savior. We are given His word in the form of the Bible as a guide for us to “experience him here”. I encourage you to not skip over verses such as Isaiah 6:1 as simply a colorful description of what Isaiah saw, but dig deeper into why it was included at all. The greatest lessons in life often require some exploration on our part. Don’t miss out on what the Lord God has to say to you in His Word today!

Thanks to Dr. Delight Yokley who gave me this verse to study. May you continue to grow in the knowledge and assurance of how precious you are to God and to us, your friends!

That Friend

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Do you know that friend that always has a major crisis going on in his or her life? Every time you talk, their ongoing struggles consume the conversation? And all you want to say is “Get over yourself. You have made it through worse situations and frankly, there are people with even more difficult struggles”. Well, what happens when “that friend” is you?

What happens when you are the one that feels like you are a burden to the people around you? You feel like a Debbie Downer because every time you talk to them or send them a text, it’s about yet another thing you are going through? Right now, I am “that friend”.

Since last June, I have been working with a Counselor on multiple traumas I have experienced throughout my life and although the work done and the Counselor himself are extraordinary, it is completely overwhelming and exhausting.  I get so lost in, not in reliving the trauma, but the years it has stolen from me. Years of anger, depression, oppression, bad decisions that have kept me from the truth and the promises I have been afraid to pursue.

There are mornings that the healing pushes me to pursue God’s truth and His promises for me; and then, there are mornings—like this morning—when it takes everything in me not to call out of work. When I finally willed myself out of bed, instead of putting on my face of fortitude, I didn’t have the energy to put anything on my face at all.  I wanted so bad to reach out to my friends to ask them to pray for me because the weight was too much to bear. I started typing the text, but quickly deleted it as I remembered that just a couple of days earlier I had requested prayer for another crisis that was weighing me down.

Instead of reaching out to my friends as I wanted to, I chose to turn on the Christian radio station to tune out the chatter in my head. As soon as I heard the first song come on, I knew the Lord had taken over the song selection and was my very own DJ. Song after song, I felt the burden that was weighing me down lift right off of me. Song after song, I was reminded that I was not alone.

I was reminded that instead of keeping me from God’s truth and His promises for me, anger and all of the emotions I have felt for 30 years were protecting me from even darker roads than the ones I had travelled. That when I fixed my eyes on Him, I had finally found everything I needed. He lifted my soul and opened up my eyes. He is rewriting my story and nothing could be better.

This healing journey I am on is a difficult one and I know there will be tons more of good and not so good days ahead. But as I listened to the playlist on the radio, I realized that my angst not to text my friends was not because they wouldn’t be encouraging; the angst was the Lord prompting me to reach out to Him. In my fear of being “that friend”, I was reminded that Jesus was the only friend I needed.

Oppressive

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This week I am reading Psalm 73. Every morning this week, I intend to read the entire chapter and study one verse in the context of the entire chapter. Today it was 2 verses; 16 and 17.

“When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God…”

From this verse, I chose to study the one word that stood out to me; oppressive. As a person of color, one definition of oppressive resonates with me; unjustly inflicting hardship and constraint, especially on a minority or other subordinate group. Still, as I read the subsequent meanings, another meaning stood out and I believe it is the one most pertinent to today’s passage—weighing heavily on the mind or spirits; causing depression or discomfort.

Psalm 73 talks towards the unfairness of the world. How the wicked prosper and never seem to face any difficulties; and, those “who are pure in heart” tend to get the raw end of the deal everytime. Just the thought of this, causes the psalmist to feel discomfort and heavy weight on his mind and spirit, to feel oppressed.

Can you relate? Is there something in your life that is weighing heavy on your mind or spirit, so much so that it causes you to be depressed? If nothing else, I believe at one time or another we are able to relate with the psalmist. We work hard and try to do everything by the book and someone who tends to skate by, gets all the glory, while we just get to keep working hard. It’s simply unfair. Yet, there is hope!

In our darkest times, if we chose to enter in the presence of God, hope is restored. We are reminded of the fate that awaits those who do not follow Jesus and chose evil. We are reminded of the beauty and wonder of a Sovereign God who is always with us, how He “leads us by the right hand” (v. 23), and how He is always ready to take away that which weighs us down. When we enter His presence, our oppression turns into freedom and like anything good that happens, we cannot help but share of His goodness towards us (v. 28).

Abundance

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Sometime late last year, Jenny, a dear friend of mine prayed abundance over my life. The word stirred something in me. I felt honored, but also undeserving. As a someone who has suffered from complex trauma, I have a hard time receiving compliments or any accolades for that matter. But for some reason, this word has stayed with me.

Towards the end of the year, I was introduced to a special way of praying for my friends. I would ask 52 friends to provide with a verse. I would then randomly assign each friend one week of the year to pray over them. Only a few weeks into the year and I have my prayer calendar filled through May. It’s a pretty ingenious idea.

Because I love definitions, every day of the week, I read the particular verse and study the particular word that pops out to me. This week, the verse is John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”.

In yesterday’s post, I talked about the word “thief” and how, depending on the reader, the word can take on different meanings. The same can be said for “abundantly”.

By definition, abundantly means “in large quantities; plentifully”. Not satisfied with that definition, I turned to my Tony Evans Bible Commentary and gleaned the wonderful definition: to be fulfilled in His spirit, His blessings, and His purpose in my earthly life.

When Jenny prayed the word abundance over my life, she was not praying for extravagance (in case you are curious of its meaning; lack of restraint in spending money or use of resources) as some could interpret the word abundance to mean. Specifically she was praying for the day when the cost of living wouldn’t be a burden.

God desires the same for us! Tony Evans says it best. “Jesus doesn’t want you merely to possess eternal life but also to possess the full experience of life. Following the Shepherd leads to blessing and joy and a growing experience of eternal life. It allows Him to rebuke and reverse the enemy’s attempts at blocking the blessings, purpose, and spiritual fulfillment God has for your life.”

So, yes, I/you don’t deserve to live extravagantly, but because of Jesus, we are called to live abundantly!

Definitions

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Vizzini: “INCONCEIVABLE!”
Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
– Princess Bride, 1987

I love definitions! Looking up the meaning of words has become a regular habit of mine as I become more intentional in writing my book. Intrigued? Good, but this post isn’t about what I’m writing, it is about what I’m learning.

Some of us, like Vizzini in the Princess Bride, can use words so often, we forget or overlook its actual meaning. I do this, in particular, when reading Scripture. I read a verse and interpret it using what I believe the word means…I know! You need someone to interpret the meaning of what I am writing. So, let me provide an example.

John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly”. Two words that I have always brushed over are “thief” and “abundantly”.

Depending on your personal experience or knowledge, you can have different interpretations of the word thief. For example, if you have ever been robbed, you have a vivid picture of a thief being someone invading your space and stealing from you. Someone else may immediately associate the “thief” as another name for Satan.

Neither interpretation is incorrect, but because we often read Scripture out of context, and/or interject our own personal interpretations of the words used, we sometimes miss the intended meaning. In this particular verse, we see in verse 8, “thief” refers to “all those who come before [Jesus]”, also known as false teachers.

I do believe in order for Scripture to better sink in for us, we should allow the Holy Spirit to help us find our own meaning to the words. Nevertheless, we should do our do diligence to know the Scriptures’ intended meaning. I am by far a theologian, but I have been known to allow my emotions and experiences skew my judgement in some situations, that I am cautious when it comes to reading and interpreting Scripture for my own life and especially if I intend to share it with others.

This post went a bit long, so I will leave “abundantly” for another post. I do hope that, if anything, we can each learn to read Scripture knowing it can have multiple meanings and we should be prudent to find the truth (that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality), not our own definition of it.

The Right Prescription

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I remember packing up our childhood home and finding the tiniest glasses of mine. It was proof to me that I have worn glasses most of my life. Without them, I am not blind, but the world is a lot fuzzier.

Several years ago, after many years of not having insurance, I started a new job that included health insurance. As soon as I was eligible, I made an appointment for an eye exam. I knew I needed a new prescription, but it wasn’t until I put on my new prescription was when I became aware of how bad I needed the adjustment. It was like I was seeing the world with new eyes.

Since then, I have never missed my annual eye exam. I have learned that even in the short time of a year, our vision can change dramatically. Unfortunately, because it is often a slow change, we don’t notice it. We ignore the subtle symptoms that aren’t relieved until we put on the glasses with an updated prescription.

The Lord has been revealing to me that as my physical vision changes so does my spiritual vision. As we grow and draw near to our Abba Father, we must update our spiritual glasses. Just like the glasses I had as a child wouldn’t work for me now, the glasses I used to see the world as a child should not be the same glasses I should see the world now.

This past year and a half with a pandemic and the raw exposure of the continued racial injustice in our world, I don’t know how any of us can see the world with the same glasses. For me it has been not only an emotional awakening, but it has been a spiritual awakening. Thank God for finding the right prescription.

Potholes

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The road to work has a beautiful view of the coastline and the traffic is minimal. However, this picturesque view is often overshadowed by the many potholes along the road. So much so, the beautiful winding road quickly feels more like an obstacle course.

The potholes are not so bad that they would cause immediate damage to my car, but driving over them everyday, could eventually cause some costly repairs to my car’s tires, shocks, and alignment to name a few things. So instead, of driving over them, I maneuver around.

The negative thoughts I allow in my mind are just like these potholes. I may not notice them or any immediate damage they may be causing, but the long term damage can be very costly.

For months, the Lord has been revealing to me that my mind is not His. Like the road I travel everyday, there are so many potholes (negative thoughts) that are stealing from the beautiful journey He has me on. Unlike the road I drive every morning, I have not avoided the potholes in my mind. I have driven over the same potholes for as long as I can remember and only until recently have I realized the costly price I have paid. Broken relationships, stifled dreams, unnecessary anxiety, to just name a few.

In the recent weeks, there have been crews smoothing out the road. Little by little the potholes will be filled up. As any other construction project, I am sure it will take a long time to get the even the smallest piece of road completely filled in to where the potholes won’t even be noticed. God has been showing me that my relationship with Him is what will fill the potholes in my mind.

Similarly to construction jobs, this will not be an easy or quick process. It will take time and dedication on my part to hold every thought captive and be intentional to replace those thoughts with His truths about me. My daily relationship with my Savior and His Word are just what I need to fill in these potholes and make this journey a much smoother ride.

Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things. – Philippians 4:8

When God is a chatterbox…

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If you have read any of my posts, you may have come to the conclusion that I am insecure and riddled with fear. Fear of my unworthiness, fear of success, fear of being found out to be the fraud I am (that is another subject for another day).

As a woman after God’s heart, my deepest desire is to do what God has called me to do, but my biggest fear is that if I do that which He has written on my heart, He will realize the mistake He has made in choosing me for such a calling.

Being a good mom, owning a home, writing books, being a speaker, leading Bible studies are just a few of the promises He has placed on my heart…some which He has spoken for many, many years. But because of my fear to be “found out”, I have been disobedient in all of these. And boy, has my fear and disobedience really ticked me off as of late.

I have been so mad, that my prayers are me yelling in anger. Please know that I am not yelling at God because I am mad at Him, but I am yelling because I am mad at myself. How can I let lies manipulate me into believing them instead of the Creator of the Universe? The Author of my story?

I am getting mad all over again just writing this, so I better move on to the chatterbox part…

The Bible talks about righteous anger. It says in Ephesians 4:26 “to be angry, yet not sin”. God has been showing me that the anger within me, is indeed, righteous anger. I am not angry with the intention to sin, but the intention to make myself better—more more like the One my heart adores!

In His infinite wisdom, God knows I (along with most of humankind) do much better in community. So, He has placed two amazing women to help me along the way; one in Florida and one in Kansas! They do not know each other and it is only because of my job, that I know them. The most interesting part of these two God-ordained friendships is that I have not met either of them in person. Text, phone calls, Zoom has been our mode of communication and yet I love them dearly; and there is no doubt God has hand-picked them to be His voice box in this season of my life.

In the past week, when my righteous anger has been at its peak, both women have spoken truth into my life. They have given me truth in Scripture, empathy, and love. Yet, neither has held back any punches…and if you know me, you know that is my kind friendship. Give it to me in love, but give it to me straight.

Because of them speaking truth into my life, I have been reminded that I am made in the image of God, the blood shed by Jesus covers ALL of my sin, and most importantly there isn’t anything He doesn’t know about me. In fact, He knows things about me that I don’t even know about me. Yikes!

And just because He can, God made sure I heard Him one more time during this morning’s sermon. The sermon title was “Big Promises” and it basically reminded me that “I may be nobody, but the One who holds me is Somebody” and He can and will use me, not in spite of my weakness, but because of it.

I am not sure what God’s intention is or even if there is someone that can relate to this rambling of mine, but the one thing I know for sure is that all of the Lord’s chattering has gotten me to do the one thing I have been afraid to do…write!

Pesky Gnats

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Among the several things and people I pray for, my daily prayer for years has been (in no particular order) for finances, Jake, general anxieties, and ETA of my husband. As I journaled this morning, the Lord took over my pen and wrote these words to me. My prayer is they are an encouragement to you as well:

“You don’t trust Me enough to guide your heart. Trust Me in all things. Trust Me to take care of Jake. Trust Me to protect you in the car. Trust Me to provide for you in so many more ways than food or rent. Trust Me to protect your heart and your mind. There are tons of things you covet in your mind. Help Me as we both, together, fight the thoughts that enter your mind. You are so weak mentally. There is no type of protection over your mind. The anxiety you have, the lust you allow, it is because you haven’t given Me your mind. Your husband won’t come until you give Me your mind.

I love you and the plans I have for you and your husband are wonderful! Way more grand than you could ever comprehend. I am excited for you to meet, fall in love with Me as a couple, and walk on the beautiful and hard terrain I have for you, but you need to be ready to walk that road. You need to prepare now so you won’t fall later. You are My beloved. It hurts Me when you fall, when you allow such things to control what you see and what you do. That is not of Me.

I give you desires for you to control not for them to control you. Those desires are a reminder that I have not forgotten you. But I also know a deeper desire is to follow Me, to do as I have designed for you.

Fear. That thought that just came into your mind that you aren’t good enough; that you can’t do it. See how we caught that thought like a gnat flying around? We can catch it and kill it or we just swat it enough for it to fly away for it to come back at some point. Sometimes you think you have killed it, but you weren’t even close. Don’t let the gnat or the thought of it returning distract you.

Let Me handle the gnats of your mind.”

I pray you are able to identify the gnats in your mind!

Surprise

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‘My timing is not His timing. My plans are not His plans. My ways are not His ways. My good for His Great.’ Words you keep telling yourself when you know something is coming, but you have no idea what it is.

I am a planner. I like to know that things have been thought through and planned, so I know what to expect. No surprises. Because, well, I hate surprises.

Let me elaborate. I don’t mind being surprised, but I can’t stand knowing there is one coming. If I am going to be surprised, I would prefer to be completely in the dark until it is fully revealed. I guess that is why I dislike scary movies or scary anything for that matter. I know I am going to be scared, I just don’t know when it’s coming, and that irritates the crud out of me.

I truly believe God finds this characteristic of mine amusing. Because although He is a planner as well, He does not always divulge His plans to His children. He gives us our daily bread. He wants us to depend on Him, trusting that He indeed has it all worked out. Giving us too much might make us greedy; giving us too little, would be leaving us wanting more.

Five years ago, God told me something was happening in my 40th year. That’s all He said, something. No details. No specifics. Not even a category. I already knew that my 40th year would include Jake graduating, but I knew that wasn’t going to be all.

When I first heard that message, I spent months imagining what it could be. Was I getting married? Was I moving to Guatemala? Or back to Florida? Was I getting married? (Oh, did I say that already?) I tried to find answers in everything. I was frustrated that I knew something was going to happen, but I didn’t know what.

As the years passed, the desire to know dwindled. I got busy and caught in the present that I forgot about the future, per say. Plus, it was so far off, it kind of seemed out of reach. Well, as my 40th year got closer, the anxiety and desire to know rekindled and it was stronger than ever. Jake graduated, knew where he was going to school and it was all paid for (PRAISE JESUS!!). But what about me? What was I going to do?

Well, some things worked themselves out and I ended up spending my 40th birthday back home in Florida. I spent 10 wonderful days with friends from throughout the 15 years Jake and I had lived there. Person after person asked when I was coming back. Of course, that was my desire, but I wasn’t certain if it was God’s will, so I just asked people to pray.

When I got back to Thomasville, I was renewed. Not knowing wasn’t scary anymore, it was just unnerving. I prayed and prayed. Begging for an answer. Begging for some huge revelation of the remainder of “the plan”, and it came, sort of. It wasn’t a huge revelation, but it was a huge storm. Hurricane Irma was on its way to crush my home and all I wanted was to be there with my friends. As crazy as it sounds, I wanted to weather the storm with them.

The Friday and Saturday prior to the storm hitting, I was literally sick. My anxiety was causing my body to go haywire. Then God did something amazing. He made the hurricane fall apart. As the days passed, yes, there was evidence of a storm, but there was a sense of gratefulness for God and His never-ending mercy.

After a week of anxiety, anticipating the worst storm in history, there were deep breaths and sighs of relief. I was also relieved. Relieved my friends and their homes were spared, but my anxiety had made a shift. I now knew what my next step was to be.

And this is where I am today. At the crossroad of this next step, a new chapter. I have given a “I’m leaving, but not sure when” notice at work and know that I am moving back to Florida at some point, but that is as far as I know. I am looking diligently for a job. Applying for whatever opportunity crosses my path and praying for God’s direction every step of the way. Would I like the entire plan laid out before me? Of course, but for right now I will do my best to be satisfied with the daily bread He provides and try not to get too caught up in the fact that I still, in fact, hate surprises.